Date 20th June 2023
Ok, I want to explore a newfound point of interest for me that relates to my wellbeing and mental health recovery process. It also helps me to deal with trauma related things by providing not only an emotional outlet but also a sensory grounding technique.
Just in case anyone doesn't know lets do a super quick recap of me and my mental health. I’m self diagnosed as autistic and currently awaiting an NHS diagnosis - and have been for the last 2.5 years. I found out I hit the criteria for ASD at the age of 20, just after recovering from a severe mental health breakdown that wound up with me in hospital after several unaliving attempts. Being autistic influences nearly every part of my life. It’s taken a while to understand how and why but over the last few years, I’ve learned a great deal about how to deal with my own mental health and wellbeing. I'm still learning in fact and there's MANY things I don't know or haven't managed to put two and two together and get an answer that makes sense. One of those things is stimming.
Stimming is a way of regulating and or processing sensory input, stress or anxiety and typically involves a repetitive soothing action. There’s lots of different expressions of stimming, from swaying, to hand flapping, bouncing on the spot or complicated movements. It's a super neurodiverse thing and I used to think I didn't stim because I didn't really do any of the commonly discussed stims. I sway occasionally but that's about it. BUT here's where my love of crochet comes in.
I've been crocheting since I was roughly 8. I love it more than words can express. I create all sorts of things, from toys, key chains, jumpers, hats, scarves and blankets and more. I also like to invent patterns and adjust patterns I have found to suit my taste. I never really questioned why I liked it or why unlike other hobbies I picked up and put away, crocheting continued to be my go to hobby for years. And then upon discussions with fellow autistic people, I realised there was more to my crocheting than originally met the eye. It’s my way of stimming. Much like knitting, crocheting involves repeatedly knotting wool together with a hook. It's repetitive and soothing and helps me process sensory input, anxiety or stress. It's literally the definition of a stim! Mind blown!
I find this really interesting as it ties into what I am currently learning about on my MASc in Creative Health. My entire course looks at creative non-medicalised ways we can use hobbies, nature, culture, arts and more to aid our own wellbeing. While I love studying, the process of sitting in class can be super overwhelming and stressful and I never really found a way of dealing with this... well until I met Luna. She knits socks (and they're super cute as well!). Luna started crafternoons (crafty afternoons) about a month into the course starting and I'd tag along, sit and crochet something, chat to people, learn about things and feel really relaxed. But despite noticing crocheting was relaxing and destressed me (at the time I didn't know it was a stim), I still felt like I couldn't do it in class. But at the start of this year I caught sight of Luna knitting socks in class and realised there was nothing stopping me from bringing my wool in and being creative while learning. So I did. I was super anxious that someone would call me out on it but nobody did and instead Luna and Jack and other tutors along the way, actually stopped and wanted to know what I was making, rather than telling me to stop like I thought they would. Since that moment, not only have many creations been made (my crafternoons jumper, my blumper, the MASc Creative Health wellbeing mascot Max, several key-chains, hats and now a wip capybara family) and many creations have been given to friends (Luna included), my mental health has stabilised and my understanding of being autistic has grown significantly.
And looking back with the knowledge that my crocheting was me stimming, everything just makes so much more sense! Like of course it would calm me down and provide me with a sense of peace. And of course that reduction in stress would help me do better in class, leading to a better understanding of the area, a better ability to ask questions, engage with the class and (as an additional bonus) forge better relationships with my tutors in the process BECAUSE I am calmer and therefore less prone to panicking.
It also arguably ties into my newfound love of object handling and the sensory engagement that brings participants, which also reduces stress and anxiety for participants. Side track but you want an entire blog on that, I'm currently doing a literature review as part of my dissertation project, so will happily ramble about my understanding of object handling in a post, should whoever is reading this be interested, just let me know (maybe leave a comment if one can?).
Basically I'm really happy my autistic friends and support group helped me learn more about my way of being autistic. After all, just because the interweb has a list of common stims, that doesn't mean everyone will do them because we're all different! I love that I continue to learn about not only myself, but also my way of being in the world. This year really has been full of big and small learning points that have spurred me on down the path of self acceptance, love and healing in leaps and bounds.
That's all for now! Thanks for reading and if you want to know more about my diss project or object handling/my plans for the future, do let me know :D
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