Date: 29th Dec 2023
Hullo, I did this around this time last year and actually really loved the idea of making this a yearly segment on my safe, cozy corner of the interweb. Last year I wrote down and reflected on 8 things I learned about (or did) in 2022 that I felt proud of and this year I'm going to do that, alongside a bit of an exciting life update (cos why not?).
So, without further ado, here's the 8 things from 2023 I am proud of myself for doing/learning (in whatever form that may take). These aren't in any order from "thing I am most proud of", more just a general 8 things in whatever order they appear in my brain haha. Enjoy :)
One:
I am beyond proud of how I have looked after myself and my wellbeing this past year. I've been through some really dang challenging (and at times, both overwhelming and scary) moments in 2023 and there was a time no so long ago, where the things I did this year, would have caused a lot more distress then they did. I look back at the sheer amount of shit I dealt with and handled with grace and (where required) professionalism and want to give myself a big ol' pat on the back, for it wasn't easy. I was fully prepared to take on an entire court case solo for a covid sexual assault of a friend and I handled the stress of that and the breakdown of a (albeit rocky already) friendship not long after and lived to tell the tale. It hurt more than I could put into words at the time, the way the friendship ended and the things my (supposed) friend said to me, will likely stick around for a lot longer than she will ever know. Her words meant to cut deep and they did. But I looked after myself and sought help from trusted allies and newly formed relationships and I'm really proud of that.
That's one example of many but it stands out in my head as a moment where, if it hadn't have been for my work in therapy and rigorous support system and trust in Luna, Jack and the rest of my friends, things could have ended very differently.
Two:
I'm really proud of how hard I have worked (and how honest I have been) in therapy this year. Something clicked this year and pieces fell into place that hadn't done so previously. It's been rough and unsettling and weird at times to unpack childhood trauma and there's still a VERY long road ahead before all my adult trauma stops being an arse and haunting me but I did the things that scared me in therapy and started to heal as a result! Success!
Three:
MASc Creative Health. Need I say anymore? I mean I will ;)
I did a new scary, fairly untested course, in London, while dealing with a bunch of additional stress with living situations, finances, trauma, discrimination, court cases etc. And I have walked away with AT LEAST a really super frigging awesome uppermost upper 2:1 grade and a dissertation thesis that will (fingers crossed) be published in journals before too long! It was hard at times but I did my best and I will forever be proud of myself for that.
Four:
I'm proud I did the scary things this year. That I asked the scary questions, trusted the scary people, put myself out there and tried the things that unsettled me. I tried out for a variety of things at UCL, I worked here and there, hospitalised myself when my heart went weird (and hospitals scare me!). I made friends and did the unknown things with them. I went all the way up to Kent to do a research job interview (which I didn't get) and throughout this year, I have continued to refuse to let my anxiety and fear, convince me to avoid things.
Five:
Talking of scary things, I'm really proud of following my heart and applying for research positions. Excitingly (and a bit scarily) the second ever job interview for a uni research position, I got. I could very easily have backed away from these things until I have a PhD, convinced myself my worth was based on having a Dr in front of my name and not even have tried. So I guess, this ties point 4 and 5 together really. I trusted myself enough to do the scary things and not let the statistics scare me off following my gut and heart. And at my new job, I can only hope I will continue this theme of self trust.
Six:
I'm so proud of my relationships with Luna and Jack - hi Luna if you're randomly reading this - yes other lovely readers, I finally gave her a link to this site a while back :)
Anyway, before I dig myself into a hole, let me say that I genuinely love how stable and safe and warm these relationships I have with Jack and Luna are and how incredibly comfortable I feel around the two of them (still!). I think it speaks volumes about how hard we've all worked on things that we're all standing strong and I feel trusted, valued, respected and held by these two angels, all these months after meeting them - and in both cases now, no longer being a student under either Luna or Jacks' care. It's been rocky for me at times, to continue to trust amidst trauma and stress, but I look at how amazing our relationships are today and feel utterly invincible and like I could take on the world with these two by my side and my work on myself and my ability to trust, aided these relationships to be as strong, stable and built on all the right values, as they are.
Seven:
I'm proud I fought for myself this year. That I stood up, said no and didn't let SELCS get away with their crap like Nicola and Sara both did. I've never been able to do that before, so regardless of outcomes, I'm still proud I finally learned to say no and refuse to let someone walk all over me.
And finally...
Eight:
I'm proud of my houseplant (and book) collection and how well my plants have done this year. It may be a small thing but for me, being able to nurture and watch plants grow, is really rewarding. Ditto collecting educational books. I like how much I will be able to learn in the future by reading and who knows with this new job, what new books/plants will be added to my collection!
Lets see what my list of 2024 highlights holds eh? Maybe I'll finally be able to post links to my published thesis somewhere!?
Hope that everyone reading this has a fab start to their new year :D
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